oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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