On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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