i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
