I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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