I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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