Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
