I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
