Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
