planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
