someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk is not a location!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
