did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
