I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i came on her dog
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
