He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
