Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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