Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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