I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
