Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
