Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
