I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
