never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
