how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize