Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
