Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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