we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize