i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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