Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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