Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
