Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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