Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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