Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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