Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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