i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize