life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
