so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
