i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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