your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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