I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
