I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
