I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
