I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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