think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
