her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
