Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
