even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
