Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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