How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
