Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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