Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
