This girl is more easily done than said...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
