so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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