You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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