I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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