she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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