its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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