ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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