I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
