When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize