if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
