Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
