So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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