I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
