weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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