hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
