the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
