There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
