you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
