how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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