did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
