Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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