i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
