my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
