This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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