"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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