I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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