Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
