and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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