Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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