i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
