I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently the secret to your success is patron
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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