No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
